Sunday, January 9, 2011

PMS and Hormonal Rage

The Cardinal Rule For Women: Thou Shalt Protect Thy Loved Ones From Thy Self!

You cannot control the fact that PMS or Menopausal Hormones can come fast and furious and that your emotions can instantly drive you to near insanity BUT you have 100% control over what you say and what you do when your hormones hit.

The people we need to make sure we protect are our loved ones. Presumably you will already be exercising control over what you say and do towards strangers. For some reason, some women think that they have the right to reign terror down on their spouses and children when they are hormonal. No, you don't have that right. You have a responsibility to take care of those you love whether you are hormonal or not.

When you are hormonal, the degree to which your emotions rear their ugly head is quite related to the degree of unresolved pain/issues, in your life. The more painful issues you're holding on to when your hormones hit the greater the hormonal/emotional swing will be. The more you deal with your issues in life, the less your hormones will feel so intense.

One problem women have is that they wait until they are hormonal to bring up real issues in their relationships (whether with adults or children). When women do this, for husbands and children, it's like living with a house full of land mines, anything can set "momma" off. Your husband and your children should not have to be afraid of you. It's your issue! What do you need to do to protect those you love, from yourself?

Any issue that is indeed a relevant issue, is just as relevant when you are not hormonal. Do you really need that surge of emotions to get up the courage to deal with those issues? No you don't. Check my Women's page and read the book I recommended on Assertiveness. Any issue that you have when you are not hormonal needs to be discussed and dealt with when you are not hormonal.

What Can You Do To Protect Those You Love From Yourself?

1. get out of the house - go for a walk, take yourself to the movies, go visit a friend, go visit another relative

2. have a good hot bath - having a nice hot bath just makes you feel good anytime

3. read a book - distract the mind

4. put on a headset and listen to music - shut out the rest of the world

5. vegetate on TV - distract the mind

6. KEEP YOUR LIPS ZIPPED! That's right, don't talk. There are times when a woman shouldn't talk and it's when she thinks she has something she MUST say to someone in her household and must say it right now and it's not something nice!  Keep Your Lips Zipped.

7. write in a journal - this will help you sort out real issues, from possible fictitious issues you make up when you're hormonal. Write down all the issues you think you MUST deal with when you're hormonal. Wait until you are no longer hormonal, look at the list. What is really an issue? Deal with it. What's not an issue? Let it go and never mention it.

8. assure the people you love that it's "Not Them" and that you'll be in a better mental/emotional space, when your hormonal surge has passed.

9. get medication if you need it. If it's so bad you feel like hurting people, it's time to talk with your doctor about what you can take to settle your nerves. And, you should probably be talking with a mental health therapist also. My mother even did this, back in the day. My mother was 40 when I was born and she was going through menopause when I was just a child. She went to her doctor and said "Doc, you have to give me something or I'm going to kill my kids." Holy smokes. I have no memory of my mom being mean towards me as a child, only that there were times she laid on the couch for an entire afternoon saying she had a headache. I suspect this is when she might have felt like killing me! :-)

Single Mothers
10. (a) your kids are not at risk of you hurting them? Make sure and tell your kids that they are fine, it's you who needs to take a moment for yourself. Do one of the suggestions above that doesn't require you leaving the house (unless they are old enough to be alone).

10. (b) your kids ARE at risk of you hurting them! Put your children in their rooms, tell them to play, read, etc. tell them that you are not feeling well and just need to calm yourself down a bit and to do this you need them to stay in their room. If the kids won't stay in their room on their own, sit on the other side of the door and hold it shut. You have to make sure they are safe from you. Tell them in as nice a voice as possible that "mommy will be fine in a little while, mommy doesn't want to be nasty to them and that they need to stay in their room while mommy calms down". After a while, they'll just play quietly on their own. When you feel better, go back to their room and open the door and give them a hug and thank them for being good.  NEVER TOUCH YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU ARE HORMONAL, NEVER TOUCH YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY.